No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
