we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
