i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize