I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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