Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
