sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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