One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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