you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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