Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize