12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
