worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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