i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
