How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
