Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
