I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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