i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
