Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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