how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize