Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
