For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
