my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
