I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
