dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
