i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
