so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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