I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
