Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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