Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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