the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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