Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
