I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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