false alarm. still invincible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
