I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
