every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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