oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
