My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
