i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
