i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
