just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
