i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sex in a hospital.. check
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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