did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
