I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
