good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it glows. i had to have it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
