i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
