OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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