Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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