i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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