You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
