you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
...so i touched it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize