do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
