Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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