i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
