Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize