Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think people are normalizing furries
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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