I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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