i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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