Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
