I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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