my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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