he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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