It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
