I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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