I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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