Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
