I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pants are for mortals
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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