I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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