I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
