I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
