the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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