Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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