My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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