I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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