I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
