So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
