I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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