I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
